Episode 5: Faith, Fitness, and Nutrition: Overcoming Emotional Eating with Emily Moss

In this episode of The Inner, Outer, and Above Blueprint, host Matthew Headden welcomes Emily Moss, a Christian nutrition coach, to explore the powerful connection between faith, fitness, and nutrition. Together, they dive deep into how caring for our bodies is a spiritual responsibility and how we can honor God by treating our bodies as temples of the Holy Spirit.

Emily shares her personal story of overcoming emotional eating and loneliness, emphasizing that many struggles with food often stem from deeper emotional issues. Through her faith and understanding of Christian coaching, she explains the importance of gratitude, self-love, and cultivating a healthy mindset to achieve long-term health goals.

The conversation highlights practical strategies for navigating challenging times, especially regarding holiday eating. Matthew and Emily offer guidance on setting boundaries with food, embracing quality over quantity, and creating lasting memories with loved ones—all while maintaining a positive, healthy relationship with nutrition.

Key Takeaways:

• The heart's condition is central to spiritual and physical health.
• Caring for our bodies is not just physical; it is also a spiritual responsibility.
• Gratitude can shift our mindset and transform how we approach food, fitness, and life.
• Emotional eating often arises from deeper issues, such as loneliness or feeling disconnected from God.
• Setting healthy boundaries around food can enhance your enjoyment and lead to healthier habits.
• Choosing quality over quantity when it comes to food can profoundly impact your overall well-being.
• Our self-talk and mindset can either empower or hinder our progress.
• Self-love is foundational to seeking growth, change, and healthier habits.
• Each day is a gift from God, and finding joy in small moments can lead to a more fulfilling and joyful life.

Transcript

Matthew Headden (00:00)
Welcome to the Inner, Outer, and Above Blueprint, the show dedicated to helping bridge the gap between the church, faith, and fitness and supporting your journey in being the strongest, happiest, healthiest Christian that God created you to be, not just spiritually, but physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you enjoy the show, please share with other believers, comment, like, and I pray this serves you well, and I hope you enjoy.

Matthew Headden (00:29)
Welcome back to another episode of the inner outer and above blueprint today. We welcome Emily Moss a Christian Obviously and a nutrition coach who is incredible at what she does i've had the blessing to Meet her recently live and have some great conversations with her on the phone Emily. Welcome to the show

Emily Moss (00:49)
Thanks so much, thanks for having me.

Matthew Headden (00:52)
Absolutely, as you know, we're going to go ahead and open up in prayer and then I'm going to get you to tell everybody who the heck you are and why the heck your faith is important to you if you don't mind.

Emily Moss (01:02)
Sounds good.

Matthew Headden (01:03)
Awesome. Father God in heaven, we thank you. We praise you. We love you. Lord, we pray that today we may reflect your light, that you may shine your light upon one step at a time, one word at a time, that we reflect that, that we may ease someone's burden today, that we may help them walk a little bit more soundly in their faith and their fitness and serve you.

just a little bit more. In Jesus Christ's holy name we pray, amen.

Emily Moss (01:33)
Amen.

Matthew Headden (01:35)
Emily, will you please tell us who you are and a little bit about.

Emily Moss (01:39)
course. So my name is Emily Moss. I live in Cincinnati. I have a online women's nutrition coaching business. I've been a full -time coach for right at five years. You know, I love what I do. And the reason I love what I do is because I get the absolute privilege

to be invited into an one -on -one into an individual's life, right? And so they come first because they wanna lose weight. And over time life happens, You know, an illness, know, a job situation, just the stressors of life that happen. And as a Christ follower, you know,

not only do I get to coach these women, but I get to carry some of their burden. And if that means, you know, praying with them or for them through a difficult situation, you know, I mean, over five years, you can imagine, you know, divorces have happened. Kids have gone off to college. We've got empty nesters. You know, just the

myriad of things that happen in life. so anyway, it's just a real privilege for me because they have invited me. And so as a result, I kind of joke and say my coaching style is a little bit Dolly Parton and a little bit Gordon Ramsay, right? A little bit, a little bit. So I'm all the Southern charm and love, but sometimes...

it's a little tough love that needs to come out, you know, and that's the reality of life as a human on this planet. anyway, that's a little bit about me as far as my coaching goes and my style goes. As far as, you know, my faith journey and what that looked like and so I grew up in the South and you live in the South.

or you, I think, you're living the South, right?

Matthew Headden (03:40)
The Carolinas, that's about as south as we can get. Yep.

Emily Moss (03:43)
So exactly, exactly. All right. So, I grew up in the South and the South, and this is gonna be a generalization, but the South, you know, we care a lot about how we look on the outside. You know, my mom and dad, you know, bless their heart, you know, we could not, my sister and I, we could not leave the house without full makeup.

Right. We had to have our lipstick on to go to the grocery store. You know, now that I live in Cincinnati, no one cares here. You know, whatever. But, you know, we'd go we'd go everywhere like dressed a certain way, looking a certain way. And so growing up that way. I felt very judged and very condemned, if you will, if I didn't meet the.

standard of looking the way my family and my little community felt I should look. And it's very stressful. It's very stressful. It was, and I'm sure you've heard this, you're going to church with the family and you're in a argument. And as soon as you get out of the car, it's how you doing? the Lord.

whatever happened, I'm sure, I'm I'm No, exactly, exactly. And so having that front on, you know, it's exhausting and not only looking, but weighing a certain amount, right? And whether it was healthy or not, you know, it was all the diets and, you know,

Matthew Headden (04:57)
That's never happened. We've never had that happen. Never. Not when I was growing up, not with Leah and the kids now. Never.

Emily Moss (05:21)
I'm older than you, obviously. And so in my day, it wasn't as strong as you could be, it was as skinny as you could be, right? The number on the scale mattered. The teeny tiny portions of food mattered in that dieting world back in the 70s, 80s and 90s. And so of course I was a victim to that and I...

did all the craziness, even as a believer. Even as a believer, I did all the things. And then, once our kids got to a certain age and I had the, I don't know, freedom, if you will, to prioritize my health in a way that was realistic and sustainable and quite frankly, nutritionally balanced.

and getting some real education instead of the quick fixes, just the insanity that women put themselves through for only a short time, right? Because it's really only good for about two weeks and then you're right back to where you were. so realizing that I'm not perfect, realizing I'm never gonna be perfect, whether I'm thin enough,

whether I do or don't put my lipstick on, whether I look a certain way, really the only thing that matters is how I feel on the inside and the condition, I believe, of my heart. And I think a lot of times when you're in that trap of chasing the quick fix, the...

diagnosis, if you will, of your heart is just one that's very temporary. It's very fleeting because it's this is happening now, but it's not going to last. But I don't care. I don't really care that it doesn't last, but I just want what I want what I want now. And and really, I just came to a point of, know what? That is not the condition of my heart. So why am I acting like it is, you know?

And so I just had to put those things into practice and really like lean hard, not on my own understanding, but lean on Christ who made my body and really, and I think that was the hardest part for me to sort of grapple with a little bit. The idea of, you know, if my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, you know,

As Christians and as people that are fitness -focused, that is a common verse that is often misused and misunderstood and that sort of thing. And I think really if we look at it from a point of, if something wholly dwells somewhere, let's take care of whatever that wholly

temple, area, body, whatever it is, let's take care of that, right? Like you would never go into a church, a synagogue, a temple and trash it unless you didn't believe in what was there, right? And so as a person who believes what is there, it's our duty and privilege to take care of

Matthew Headden (08:43)
That is actually eye -opening from the perspective of the only reason that you might not take care of that temple is because you don't believe that that spirit of that God dwells there.

Emily Moss (08:54)
Right.

Matthew Headden (08:57)
That is incredibly powerful, powerful. How did you actually come to that conclusion? And then how did that shift your approach with yourself? And then how we'll start there. How did that shift your approach with yourself and how did you come to that?

Emily Moss (09:13)
Well, I think anything that is special and sacred, whether we're talking about our faith and Christ, or we're talking about a relationship we have with someone, or even if we're talking about, know, great grandma's diamond or her plates that she gave you, whatever is special and sacred to us, we take care of, right?

you're just got engaged, right? And so there's the whole, there's the whole registry, right? Of all the wedding gifts and all those things, right? And so you're going to go through that methodically and there's going to be things that, you know, people are going to give you that are super special. And maybe you're going to put those in a special cabinet and display them. Or maybe you're going to only eat on them at certain occasions because they're special.

Right. And as such, if something so special and dear is within us and we truly believe that, doesn't it just make sense that you want to, you know, do whatever you can to take care of it and make it special?

Matthew Headden (10:31)
Absolutely, and it really is a version of if I told Leah that I loved her, but then neglected her needs, but continued to say, hey, I love you, but then neglect her needs, eventually she's going to stop believing that I love her.

Emily Moss (10:52)
That's right.

Matthew Headden (10:53)
and it's no different in ourselves.

Emily Moss (10:57)
And I think thinking about, there's some quote that's out there about, don't save things for a special occasion because being alive is special enough. And so if we take that approach with our bodies as, listen, I woke up today. Like I literally have breath in my lungs that I didn't do myself.

Like I had no control over the fact that I woke up this morning and am alive, right? And as a result, shouldn't I protect that? Simply because the person who gave me that breath in my lungs has a purpose for me today. I don't know what it is tomorrow, but today I have a purpose.

Matthew Headden (11:43)
And how beautiful is that that when you realize that it's not really just about us, it's that he loves us so much that God loves us so much that he came here to die for us. And we are called to die to ourselves. and that is very, very special in itself. It's one of my favorite questions recently. I heard posed and actually said it on previous show was, would you shoot your best friend in the leg for a billion dollars for a billion dollars?

Or would you let somebody shoot you in the leg for a billion dollars? I was like, 100 % absolutely. Shoot me in the leg for a billion dollars. Without a question. Now, would you trade that? Would you take a billion dollars not to wake up tomorrow?

Well no, absolutely not. so a billion dollars is worth more than getting shot in the leg, but it's not worth more than waking up. And yet we will wake up and be like, wow, what a horrible day. Well, that horrible day is still worth more than a billion dollars in getting shot in the leg.

Emily Moss (12:37)
Yeah, yeah, it's having the perspective, I think, of the value in the 24 hours that we are given, right? And I think working with individuals on their weight loss, cravings, triggers, stressors, all of those sorts of things,

I think it comes down to not so much as a eat this, don't eat that kind of situation, but it's almost to the point where.

If you have been given the absolute keys to the kingdom, which we have as coheirs of Christ, we have every single thing that he has that is given to us as his children, right? If we have the literal keys to the kingdom, then we have everything we need to be successful. But what happens, or what happened in my case is, you know,

because I thought I was supposed to be perfect. I would do all these like regimen and things only to fail, right? Only to, today I'm going to only eat three meals and they're all gonna be like clean, like that's all I'm gonna do. Well, and they were tiny and whatever, whatever. And by 7 .30, eight o 'clock, like I was in the pantry,

eaten a sleeve of Oreos and then beating myself up and saying, what is wrong with you? Why can't you get it together? That was the pounding that I gave myself. I didn't get it from anybody else. And this would happen repeatedly. I'd be fine for like two days and then I'd do it again. then I'm like,

not buying any of that stuff, it's not coming in the house and all of that. Or I'd say to my husband and kids, if I go over to the pantry tonight, I need you to stop me. It was just all this crazy head games. And it wasn't until I just got so full of literal junk and spiritual junk.

that I just was like, OK, well, you need a reality check. Like there is food on this planet that is good and will make you feel good and that you can have an Oreo here or there. You don't need the whole sleeve. You don't need to like go off the deep end. But, know, you need to, you know, so so I think in that part, it's switched for me from a nutrition

education standpoint to more of a psychology and mindset transition, right? So it wasn't that, okay, these foods are good and these foods are bad. These foods are clean and these foods are not clean. You know, it wasn't that at all. It was from the standpoint of what's going on in your mind. Like why, what is triggering you every single night to get up and go and get the Oreos out of the cupboard?

Matthew Headden (15:43)
Mmm.

Again, that goes back to the heart posture, right?

Emily Moss (15:56)
Mm -hmm. Mm -hmm. It does. And through some real searching, sort of funny, I figured out, because I knew it was emotional eating, right? I knew it was emotional eating. But if I could drill down, what was the emotion? What could I put my finger on? And it took me, and then I was like, well, maybe it's comfort. Maybe I just need comfort. And I was like, nope, that's not it.

And so I kept thinking and thinking and thinking about it. And what it came down to is it happened mostly when my husband had evening meetings or he was traveling and it came down to loneliness.

So I had to sort of wrestle around with this thought of why am I lonely if someone's not in the house with me? Why is being alone, like why does that make me lonely and why do I need to distract myself with the cookies, chips or whatever? And so that became an interesting situation of like,

going prayerfully and asking God, you know, I'm not alone. Like you are with me 24 seven. Like why do I think I'm alone? Right?

Matthew Headden (17:23)
That's so good. Now you don't have to answer this one because this one's getting heavy, but it's one of the things I asked my clients to do. Once they identify that, then to journal it out and say, okay, now let's go find out where that came from, who you learned that from, how that served you back then. Ask yourself, is this serving me now in any positive manner? Cause it is serving you, but is it positive? And then are we willing to let it go? So did you, are you willing to share like where did that

Emily Moss (17:45)
Okay.

Matthew Headden (17:52)
come from.

Emily Moss (17:53)
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, it's interesting. Of the four years of high school, we moved to seven states.

And so as a result of that, you can imagine every single high school, you know, and halfway through my senior year of high school, we moved, you know, and so it was one of those situations where every time we moved, you know, I had to find a group, right? Like, where's my group? How am going to fit in? I had this perfectionistic, you know, thing going on. I also had the judgment going on, you know, they're going to judge me if I don't do this or that.

And so I was looking for groups. was looking to belong. I was looking for all of that. And yeah, that's where it comes from, you know?

Matthew Headden (18:35)
Mm.

Hmm. How were you able to let that go? Was it was it when you realized that God was always with you and you were never actually alone?

Emily Moss (18:45)
That was it. You know, it, it, it wasn't, it wasn't that I didn't know that it was that I didn't.

I think I didn't know the... I think the big picture of it is he's with us in a omniscient way, right? And that sounds all mysterious and I don't know and whatever, exactly, don't know. But if you break it down that the fact that he's personal, right? He's personal and as a personal relationship, that means wherever I am, he is.

Matthew Headden (19:06)
Yeah.

Emily Moss (19:19)
Right? I have this verse, let me look, because I'm not going to remind, I wrote it down so I wouldn't remember.

Matthew Headden (19:24)
you look I'm thinking if you anybody that was raised in the 90s I'm dating myself here in my head I'm singing the old commercial my buddy my buddy wherever I go he goes

Emily Moss (19:35)
you're so funny. You are so funny. Yeah, so, okay. So the verse is Isaiah 41 10 and basically it says that he will help me. He will strengthen me and here's the catch for me. He will even hold my hand. It actually says I'm upholded by his right hand or something along those lines. But if I can, you know, paraphrase to say he's even going to hold my hand, which means to me,

I am not alone. Like whatever I'm going through, I'm not lonely. He is holding my, literally holding my hand.

Matthew Headden (20:15)
I've got this.

Emily Moss (20:16)
Exactly.

Matthew Headden (20:18)
That's beautiful and so, powerful.

Emily Moss (20:20)
And I don't need to go to the Oreos to distract me, right? Like, and what I, one of the things that I teach my clients is, especially those that have nighttime triggers around food. It's so common. It's just so common. You're watching TV and it may not even be anything super deep like this. It could just be a habit that that's just what they do. You know, it's part, you know, that's what we do as.

Americans, you know, we eat and watch TV and, you know, mostly it's a habit, but sometimes in my situation and in lots of others, it can have like deep roots for other things. But anyway, one of the things that I did and teach my clients is, you know, just have like a little journal notebooky thing next to the couch or wherever you watch TV. And when the thought comes up, I'm going to go get something to eat.

or when the people in your house are snacking and you want to, but you also know that you have goals to reach and you wanna break a habit and that kind of thing. Just get out the little notebook, write down, what am I thinking? Why am I thinking this? Why do I wanna eat X, Y, And don't do anything about it, just write it down. And then I think it gives a bunch of clarity. It gives structure to the evening because you know, okay.

I've got this little notepad and that's sort of like my 911. I could write a prayer, I could do bullet point, whatever. Just is an exercise to get through that thought obstacle, if you will, to get through the evening without derailing yourself.

Matthew Headden (21:59)
to take all of those thoughts that are bouncing and racing throughout your busy day and your busy life and the kids screaming and the husband saying something or the wife saying something and your boss nagging and everything going this way and that and then notifications on your phone and bringing order to the chaos so that you can sit down and actually be with your thoughts and understand.

Emily Moss (22:19)
That's it.

That's it. Well, and you know, God clearly says that he is a God of order, not of chaos, right? And so to have chaotic thoughts, those are those things that we really have to like reel in. You know, another thing that people struggle with too is control, right? Like they want to control the situation. Again, God is not in the business of control.

Matthew Headden (22:45)
Mm -hmm.

Emily Moss (22:48)
He's in the business of peace, right? And so if you wanna be in control, you can't have peace. Like they can't go together.

Matthew Headden (22:51)
Mmm.

Emily Moss (23:01)
It's a resistance.

Matthew Headden (23:01)
That's interesting. Yeah, that makes it does make sense. But dive into that a little bit more because so often, obviously, I will say to my clients control what you can control. But there's a difference, I believe, between what I'm what I'm saying there and I believe what you're talking about. Which.

Emily Moss (23:20)
Yeah, so what I'm thinking on this line is, you know, our thoughts are very controlling, right? Our strongest thought, whatever your strongest thought is, that's the action, that's the direction in which you're gonna go, right? So if I'm watching TV and my strongest thought is the Oreos in the pantry, I'm getting up and I'm getting the Oreos in the pantry.

Like that's my strongest thought at that moment, right? And so in order to get some peace around that, my strongest thought has to be aligned with truth. And the truth is, God, you've got this. You're right here with me. You are strengthening me. Any kind of

that you know about God, that's that tape that needs to rewind in your head, right? You provide for me, you make a way out for me, you you're not going to tempt me, you're with me forever, you know, like all these things, whatever it is that is God's character, those are the things that you can just start rattling off in your own mind when these other thoughts come.

and you're gonna have peace like that. Like it might not last, like as soon as you take your mind off of that and onto the next thing, the peace might be gone. It's gonna come back as soon as you fix your mind back on the truth.

Matthew Headden (24:49)
absolutely beautiful. there is.

a massive difference between saying, okay, well, I can control what I eat and what I plan and saying, okay, I need to control all of these situations. Big difference there.

Emily Moss (25:05)
Yes, yes, because there is value in pre -planning your meals the night before, right? Like there is value in looking at the menu ahead of time before you go out to dinner so that you can decide. There's value in hiring a coach for accountability and for education, for encouragement. There's value in all of that. And those are things

that are within our control. But within that, you have to like, I guess drill down and discern what is me controlling a situation and what is me having some flexibility in another situation, right? Like, let's say we all go out to dinner together, you pick the restaurant, we show up and you say, I've ordered for the table.

Dang it, right? Like I have no control over this but because I can be at peace in Knowing what my nutrition needs are. I don't have to be rattled, right? I can be like, okay Well, he picked this in this I'm gonna pass on that I'm gonna have a little bit of this and I'm not gonna stress over it That's where the peace over the control comes for me. That makes sense

Matthew Headden (26:01)
Hmm. Mm -mm.

That makes absolute sense and it's perfectly articulated. And if you would, let's just keep going with this because it's something that a lot of my clients see all the time and we help them navigate. So it's, coming into the fall and here comes Thanksgiving and here comes football season and all of these other things. Well, I've got to go to this party and I don't know what they're making. I've got to go to this family members and I don't know what they're making. And I believe if you will address this from two different angles for me, if you would please. One is actually three. One is the heart posture.

of why are we going, what am I there for? The second is controlling what you can control and letting go as the third, right? Pulling your best frozen and letting go. And to add the last level back to your very beginning of keeping the special thing special.

Emily Moss (27:03)
Mm, that's right. Those are good. That's good. Yeah. So, you're absolutely right. We've got football. We've got more football. We've got more football. I love it. We we are big football fans. That's right. Well, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're not going to go down the road, but I'm with you on the football. So yes, we got all the football. We've got all the holidays.

Matthew Headden (27:16)
It's SEC country, baby. Go game, cops. I had to. I'm going to be quiet now.

done.

Emily Moss (27:29)
Thanksgiving lasts for about two weeks because you got the friends giving, right? And then we got the in -laws and then we've got the other in -laws, right? We got all that. And then we've got the Christmas and whatever. And then we've got New Year's, right? So it's all the things. So from the heart posture, it's my belief that when you go into situations that you cannot control because someone else is fully in charge of the menu.

Matthew Headden (27:33)
you

Emily Moss (27:57)
There's a couple of options there, but if your motivation is, I'm on a diet, I can't eat it, you're gonna have a terrible, terrible holiday season. You're gonna feel discouraged, you're going to make everybody else around you miserable because you're just being so negative.

Matthew Headden (28:15)
And you're going to miss the point of the holiday. You're going to miss the point of the holiday.

Emily Moss (28:19)
Exactly, exactly. Yeah, because you're in this, can't because fill in the blank, right? But if you go into it, so I think of that as like external motivation versus the intrinsic or the internal motivation, right? So the external is, know,

In three months, I've got to be down XYZ and so I can't eat all this stuff and I'm just going to go in. That's my mentality. But if it's intrinsic, how do my values line up with my goals in this family situation, right? Okay, well, we haven't been over to Aunt Betty's since last year and she always makes that amazing.

sweet potato pecan pie with the bourbon sauce on it, which that's my fave right there. You know, that is me being a food snob. That is me saying I'm enjoying it. I'm gonna say no to the salad because I can have that every day, all day, right? And so it's picking and choosing these things based on your values. I'm keeping the holidays special. I'm pas

on things and I'm not feeling pressure from other people. Yeah, there's going to be the food pushers there. There's going to you're going to you know run into that obstacle. But if you align your goals at that meal with making memories with the people and being a food snob on the things that really do light you up right like a salad or Brussels sprouts for me. It's not lighting me up on a holiday. I could have that any day of the week.

But bring on the pie, bring on the dressing with the gravy, like those sorts of things, it's one day. And one day is not gonna derail any kind of progress that you've made up to that point. It is gonna derail you if you take home two or three of her pies and eat them for the next three weeks. But one or two days, not a big deal. So yes, so the heart posture is,

How does my internal motivation line up with my goals? And that would be first and foremost, identifying what are those values, right? And maybe your values are faith -based, maybe they're not faith -based, but you kind of want them to be. Like you want to honor the purpose that you're created for on earth. And so by that, you wanna feel good.

So maybe your value is, just wanna feel good in my body. Like maybe that's the starting place, right, for someone. And so then it's, like I said, being the food snob, picking and choosing what you're gonna enjoy and making the memories with the people. I mean, that's what it comes down to. When it's all said and done, it's gonna be about the memory making with the people.

that you care about and love the most on this planet.

Matthew Headden (31:26)
I think that's absolutely beautiful. One thing to add to that, if I may, that one thing that has really helped my people, my clients over the past 16 years is we do have this tendency to binge eat at these events. It is what it is, right? Especially, you know, in the deep South. However, if the purpose of this event is to be with your family, to keep those things special, but we eat so much that we're miserable or we want to be sick or we need a nap, then

We can't enjoy the time we have with the family anymore. And biblically speaking, we are called to find joy in our food and drink, Like Ecclesiastes 9 .7, go eat your food with gladness and drink your wine with a joyful heart. With that being said, if you're miserable or there's guilt or there's shame, that's not joy.

Emily Moss (32:16)
Right. Well, and I think, and sometimes, you know, depending if you know that you have a problem with that, right, you know that there's going to be second and third helpings of whatever the things are that you particularly want. You know, maybe you go into it with a few rules. Like I don't have any issue with, you know, a few rules. Maybe your rule is, you know, I'm only having one plate.

It can be whatever it is on that one plate, but maybe that's my rule. I'm having one plate. I'm not going back for seconds or that sort of thing. Or maybe you're gonna set up a rule for yourself that says, you know, if grandma makes those homemade rolls, I'm having three. Like whatever it is for you that's gonna help you to not go off the rails in such a way.

you know, a lot of times I do this with clients when they go on vacation, when it comes around to alcohol, because, you know, a lot of times people will go and, know, it's just a full on drink fest for, you know, a week. And, and then they come back and they're just so upset with themselves. The scales up, they feel awful. They're bloated there. They haven't slept good. You know, it wasn't a restful vacation at all. And so what we.

What we do when it comes around with alcohol and it could be a similar situation with the holidays is decide either two thoughts here. Are you going to give yourself a drink limit? Like, am I just going to have like three drinks today? I'm on vacation, right? Or whatever the case is. But I think what works better for people is having a drinking window, right? Because there are people

let's go on vacation, right? If you're on vacation, they're having drinks at the pool in the morning, drinks with lunch, then they're passed out in the afternoon, right? And then they're drinking all night. So if you have a drinking window that says, okay, I can drink from five to 10. Okay, that cuts out all morning drinking, all pool drinking. Or I'm gonna have drinks from 10 to two.

Okay, I'm gonna have some drinks in the morning and have brunch, right? And then I'm done for the day. And I think by having some kind of rules like that in place, it's basically just a boundary. It's not even, it just giving you some structure. And structure, as you know, is freedom. That's what it is, it's freedom. Think about God giving us principles to live by.

when we abide by those, he says, you know, obedience is better than sacrifice, right? So if I'm to obey the principles that God has laid out for me, that's pure freedom. like, it's favor upon favor. mean, it is walking down the street in freedom versus, I guess I have to do.

whatever the thing is, and then it's not freedom at all. It's just a jail.

Matthew Headden (35:24)
That is so true because one of the things that even was eye opening to me is I integrated my faith into my fitness because our faith belongs in everything that we do is realizing that God gives us these guidelines and it's not to keep us trapped. It's to provide us freedom. It's the same reason you give guidelines to your children and we are his children, right? Hey, like

You know, I need you home by 10 o 'clock. For the same, you 14 year old, I need you home by nine o 'clock. Why is it really about the nine o 'clock or is it because that there's probably things she's not ready to handle after?

And she's not mature enough, right? In the same way that that drinking window would have helped me when I was an alcoholic. Now I'm mature enough to know I just don't get any. And so it is that maturity and that growth and just understanding that God gives us these guidelines. And really it doesn't matter what the question is. The answer is love. So is it loving to get to drink from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed?

Probably not. Might there be guilt or shame? Probably. Will you be able to enjoy where you are? Probably not. Will you be able to enjoy the people you're with? Probably not. If you're married, is your spouse probably going to get upset with you? Probably. And are you going to be able to wake up and read your Bible the way you should in the morning? Probably not. So it's understandable. And it is one of those places where I love how you phrase that

The guidelines aren't to keep us restricted. That is where the freedom is. When we're young in our faith, think about this, when we're young in our faith, we're like, man, there's so many rules. These Christians, they have all these rules and they're just goody two shoes and they're boring. No, it's to keep us safe. And then when we realize that we are safe and we are living in those, there's a lot of freedom and we're having a lot more fun consistently.

and we're able to live in our purpose. And it's beautiful how you phrase that. Have you ever used this one with eating out, whether it be a holiday? I love the one plate rule. It's one of my all time favorites. It's not a good or a bad, but it's a this or that. So if I'm gonna go to the Mexican restaurant, I'm gonna have the chips or the margarita. Or I love the macaroni and cheese. I love the potato salad. I love...

you know, we're back to football. So it's the mac and cheese and the potato salad and the all the things, the burgers and the hot dogs. So I'm going to have a burger or a hot dog. I'm going have the potato salad or the mac and cheese. And then I'm going to have the dessert or this. And it's not a restriction. It's just saying like, I don't need to have everything.

Emily Moss (38:11)
Yeah, and I think that's where I use with my clients the phrase be a food snob, right? You have to be a food snob because I mean there is okay, for example, I love French fries love them, but I'm a food snob. I do not want frozen fries at the restaurant.

Give me the fries that are extra crispy with parmesan shaved on them and some yummy salt and pepper. I mean, give me that all day long. Right. So it's the same thing. Right. I mean, there is sub par mac and cheese. There is sub par hot dogs. There is sub par everything. Right. And so if that means you see the mac and cheese and you're like, my gosh, that's amazing. And you put it on your plate. And after a bite or two, you're like, it's not really that great. Stop eating.

Like literally stop eating, either throw it away, or if you wanna be discreet, cause you know, nobody wants to make their host feel bad, just leave it on your plate and then go up and get something else that is actually amazing, right? The other thing too, when it comes to dessert, we've talked about the pies before at the holidays or cookies, cake, you know, I mean, at Christmas, you've got all those cookie platters and all the things, you know.

Another thing that I work with my clients on is, you know, the three bite rule. So for me, the three bite rule is, I mean, you can eat the whole thing, clearly, but the three bite rule is the first bite tastes amazing. It is the best thing. Like you're thinking of it, it tastes amazing. The second bite also tastes amazing. Third bite, it's all right.

Like it's not as amazing as the first and the second bite. By the third bite, it's okay. Now, if you were to go have a fourth or a fifth bite, probably still fine. But why waste your calories, waste the food on just subpar? Like if those first three are amazing, why do you need to finish it?

Matthew Headden (40:21)
That's a great rule. It would be the same as if you only had an hour and a half in your day to yourself to do whatever you wanted. Would you settle for a subpar movie or would you?

Emily Moss (40:34)
Good point. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that's what we do as humans. We settle for things. We clean our plate. Like I grew up in the generation of the clean plate club. you know, right? That's what we teach our kids. That's right. That's right. And so I have to tell my clients time and time again, I'm officially

Matthew Headden (40:51)
It was called a happy plate. I made a happy plate.

Emily Moss (41:00)
firing you. You no longer have a membership in the clean plate club. Like, like you don't have to eat at all. It's okay. It's okay. And for a lot of people that's hard because of how they grew up and their backgrounds and things like that. And it's wasteful and all of that. But you can, you don't have to throw it away. You can just wrap it up, eat it tomorrow, eat it at the next meal. It doesn't matter, but you don't have to, you know,

Just because it's there doesn't mean you need to finish it all the time. And I think that's another part of coming back to, know, if something is sacred, if something is special, as the Holy Spirit lives within us, you know, just because we're feeding it doesn't mean we need to overfeed it, right?

Matthew Headden (41:49)
100 % and it really does go back to if we if we circle all that back around It's not that you can't because so many people that I've worked with and I know you've worked with they feel out of control and I can't lose this weight. I feel like garbage. It's probably my hormones It's this but they feel out of control at the end of at the end of the day because they can't achieve the desired result and if you say I can't have this I can't have that

you're still not in control. But if you say, choose to have this, I choose not to have this. That's what taking your control looks like and not in a controlling manner.

Emily Moss (42:27)
And ultimately doesn't that give you peace?

Matthew Headden (42:32)
And that goes back to the heart posture, right? And so it does go back to Jesus's words. I always love to go back to Jesus's words in Matthew 15, 11. It's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you. You're defiled by the words that come out of your mouth. So it's not necessarily the Oreos that go into your mouth that defile you. But if you say, I'm fat, I'm disgusting, and I'm worthless or this, that defiles you.

Emily Moss (42:57)
And that is the self condemnation, self judgment, the, you know, okay, I'm going to start over again tomorrow mentality, right? It's all or it's nothing and why I'm broken. Something's wrong with me. What, know, all of that and

to every woman of every age and every size, you are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You have been given mixed messages, confusing information by people who are not helpful. I mean, that would be my thing. Hear that. Like you are not broken. There's nothing wrong with you.

It is a matter of changing your mind and changing your heart, and that's gonna lead to the result.

Matthew Headden (43:48)
Amen. And it does go back to the love. Am I approaching this out of love? Right. So, so many women, and again, to your point, we love you and we're sorry these messages were given to you in the past. You can let them go. You're safe now and it's time to let, let Jesus take the wheel, but let the adult safe version of yourself take this wheel. and if you're, you're not there yet, or as you take that back, reach out to Emily, reach out to myself. And we know plenty of coaches too. Right. So, but it is going back to love, right. And is

Emily Moss (44:03)
haha

Matthew Headden (44:16)
us eating. don't let's I feel bad for Oreos this episode, but if we're going to go back to Oreos and we eat the whole box or the whole sleeve, is that loving for yourself? Not, not particularly. No. I love myself too much to allow myself to do this. That's not a negative. It's a positive. It is. If I ate the entire sleeve of Oreos, so now I have to go to the gym, the going to the gym is loving of yourself.

But if you're doing it to pay for the Oreos that you ate, that's no longer love. That's loathing. And we've turned something positive into a payment and that's not okay. And so it's what does love look like in that moment? Well, if you come visit your son, who's going to be in North Carolina that you haven't seen in two years, and we decide to meet up and we want to have sweet potato, pecan, bourbon, pie, then that's loving. Even if I'm on a diet.

Emily Moss (44:45)
Mm -hmm.

Matthew Headden (45:09)
and on a cut because that's special. We might not get that time again until the real coaches summit again next year, right? So, but that is loving. And if it is one of those ones where it can enhance the experience, yes. But if we do it all the time, that's no longer loving. It's just what you do.

Emily Moss (45:14)
Mm -hmm.

Right.

Matthew Headden (45:30)
So I context matters and it is one of those things that I'm going to give you the floor back, but I do need to speak on this because it's been on my heart all day. This love yourself at any size. Yes, I absolutely agree. But we do know that like what love looks like from a biblical standpoint and truly is loving is taking care of yourself, honoring the gift that God gave us because you were fearfully and wonderfully made. What does that look like?

Biblically speaking, it's honoring God in everything that you do, even with the food and drink, even with your movement. So it's not just saying, love myself and I'm happy with where I am. No, it's I love myself no matter what I have the Holy Spirit inside of me. But I also love myself too much to be stagnant and continue to feed myself these foods.

Emily Moss (46:17)
How about the question of, I love myself enough to figure out why I'm doing this? Right, right, right, right. I'm with you 100%. Yes, love yourself, take care of yourself. And then the confidence, the trickle down effect happens, right? Like you're just, a better human as a result of taking care of yourself.

Matthew Headden (46:24)
All of it. All of the above. All of those things. All of those things.

Emily Moss (46:44)
but I do think, I do think going back to the story of me and the loneliness and that comfort eating and that sort of thing, it took an act, an intentional willing act on my part to dig down deep, to figure out why I was doing what I was doing. Otherwise I would just chalk it up and put it in the box of

I'm an emotional leader. I crave Oreos. Something's wrong with me. I'm gonna start over again tomorrow. Like that is on repeat in lot of ladies' minds when really the loving act is taking a beat. What is happening here? What am I feeling? God, give me some wisdom on this. Help me discern this. Reach out to another believer and ask for some help, right?

whether it is somebody at your church, whether it's a family member, whether it is somebody online, maybe you don't even know the person, but you know that they have a faith that can encourage you to dig down and find out really what's going on.

Matthew Headden (47:55)
Emily, that's perfectly sad. And it's so, so true. It's love yourself enough to dig deep, love yourself enough to let the limiting beliefs go, love yourself enough to let the limiting behaviors go, love your neighbor enough to be the best version of yourself to give to them, love your children and the future generations enough to dig deep and do the hard thing in yourself so you can let those generational chains go.

so that your children don't have to suffer with the same thing that you and your parents did.

That's love and it's hard. It's gonna be hard.

Emily Moss (48:30)
Yeah, yeah. Well, and if you think about, if you think about Jesus loving us to the point of actual death, torturous death, right? Like if, okay, so I'm in a momentary pain for doing some deep soul searching to figure out why I do what I do. In comparison, it's nothing.

Right? It's nothing.

Matthew Headden (49:00)
Pick up your cross and follow me, I believe were his words.

Emily Moss (49:03)
Exactly, exactly. And you know, I will say though, that what you said before about limiting beliefs, getting your mind where it needs to be, that's a first step. If someone is uncertain, that's the first step, right? If they're like, I don't know how to fix this. Yeah, all these things sound like okay tools, but I don't really know. Well, the first thing is,

maybe just making a list of things that you're grateful for. Like start there. Start on the trajectory of what do I have that I'm just grateful for? And what I like to do is, you know, don't be big. Like, don't be big. Don't be like, my house, my car, my job, my family. Like too vague, right? Like drill it down. Drill it way down, right?

laughing with my husband, having a cup of coffee with my neighbor on the back porch, right? The fact that the leaves are turning colors, like just small things, small things. And then when you start seeing the small things, then your world really opens up and you come to this point of, well, shoot, I'm grateful for the gas I put in my car in the...

food on my shelves in the pantry, right? And I think starting in a place of gratitude creates the momentum to look further within yourself of, boy, I've got a lot of things to be grateful for. Let me figure out how I can now take care of those things within me, right?

Matthew Headden (50:44)
Absolutely. It's so funny that you say that because right now, you know, as the weather's changing and it's going outside first thing in the morning.

and just standing there and just looking up at the stars and the moon and just thanking God and being grateful and thanking him for how amazing he is. And that is how he taught us to pray, right? Is to say what we're thankful for and just praise him. And that is what a better way to start our day than doing that. And my favorite thing to praise God for right now that I pray for all the time is so weird. It's so weird is the earthworm.

It's like the most random seemingly thing but I was filming a video a few months ago in this earthworm right in middle of it I'm in the grass and this earthworm pops up in the middle of the video and like looks at me But think about it if you think the little things don't matter think about this earthworm that earthworm who you never think about is Out there irrigating your soil

Emily Moss (51:43)
Mmm.

Matthew Headden (51:45)
And he's irrigating your soil so that that grass that you walked out on that you're playing football with your son on doesn't die.

Emily Moss (51:52)
Hmm.

Matthew Headden (51:53)
And because that earthworm irrigated that soil that you were able to play football on with, with your son, he now has core memories of what it looks like to be a dad and to take care of the body that he was given. So he can do that with his child.

Emily Moss (52:09)
I love that.

Matthew Headden (52:10)
And a large part of that was played by the little earthworm that you didn't think of.

Emily Moss (52:15)
You didn't even notice. I love that. Yeah, that's all.

Matthew Headden (52:18)
You do that and I dare you not to have a good day. I dare you.

Emily Moss (52:22)
Yeah. Well, and I do think, you know, that old saying, you know,

bird can fly over your head, just don't let it build a nest in it, right? Like things are gonna come up, stressors are gonna come up. You are gonna get pooped on, right? Just don't let it build a nest, like keep on going, right? Keep on going because things change and it really is just about forward progress. If I've learned anything with myself and with my clients, it's not the perfection, it's not the self judgment, it is just

Matthew Headden (52:36)
You better get pooped on.

Emily Moss (52:59)
forward progress one small step at a time again and again on repeat You know and and and then you just start feeling better and you know one thing leads to another But yeah now

Matthew Headden (53:01)
Mm.

It's one small step and we think that small baby steps don't matter, but you have kids.

How do you remember your son's first step?

Emily Moss (53:26)
And I remember the first time he fell down and was he gonna get up or not gonna get up and waiting to see is he gonna stand up or do I need to go over there and help him? know and and there is a point when you do have to help them up But then the beautiful point is when they fall down and they know they can stand right back up and keep on cruising You know, and I think that's the part in our lives Christian

in our faith, walking along in a weight loss journey, trying to be in the gym, all the things that we're trying to make progress on that we are going to fall, we are going to fail. And that's normal. It is 100 % normal. What the beauty of it is, is that we are able to stand back up and just keep moving forward.

Matthew Headden (54:18)
And as you quoted earlier, he's holding your hand.

Emily Moss (54:21)
Absolutely, all the way, every day.

Matthew Headden (54:26)
Emily, we're going to end with a question and you already know what's coming because you've listened to some episodes already. If you were gone tomorrow, and I pray you're not, but if you are, you're worshiping with the King and our Father and all your social media was gone, all your things were gone, and you could only leave the world with one piece of advice. What piece of advice would that be?

Emily Moss (54:54)
Hmm.

Each day is a gift that is wrapped specifically for you. And you need to cherish it as the gift that it is for you.

Matthew Headden (55:07)
That is absolutely beautiful. Emily, where can people find you?

Emily Moss (55:12)
I'm on Instagram at NutritionCoaching365 or my website, NutritionCoaching365 .com. Happy to help in whatever way I can. If I can just help one person, that's all that matters to me.

Matthew Headden (55:28)
for what it's worth, you've helped me today.

Emily Moss (55:30)
You're nice. This has been great. I've enjoyed it.

Matthew Headden (55:33)
This has been absolutely amazing. This is the part where I do the self aggrandizing part that I was supposed to have done before, where I say, if you liked this episode and if it helped, please make sure to like, comment, share it with your mama, share it with your granny, share it with the person that made the sweet potato piquin bourbon pie. Comment all those things, but truly we appreciate you. We love you. If you need a hand, we're here for you. If you need prayer, shoot me a message. There's even a prayer request button on my website.

We love you, we thank you. Emily, you're absolutely amazing. Thank you for your time. Thank you for coming on the show. I will talk to you soon, my friend.